One day your life will flash before yours eyes.  Make sure it’s worth watching!–Unknown

We’ve all heard the stories about this impending moment.  When right before it all ends, your life will flash before your eyes.  What will you see?  For eight and a half years I have pondered this question.   Will it be a collage of misery and missed opportunities or visions of you blissfully smiling with the ones you hold the dearest.  Will I go back to relive the aimless wandering through the graveyard after burying the loved one whose loss tragically changed my life?  Or envision sitting on the dock with the BFF Florida one of those peaceful morning, gazing upon a breathtaking sunrise to rival all others?  Or maybe I will witness that moment when the one man I ever loved left.  When I was stopped dead in my tracks–unwilling to move forward, unable to look back.  I think about this, probably too often. 

After years of speculation, I’ve decided I want both(after all, I have always wanted it all.  It’s who I am).  I relish the thought of moments of my life playing before me when I was my happiest.  Those times with friends and family that you look back upon and simply smile.  The nights spent with the one you love when not a word was said.  You were just there absorbing that content feeling.  That level of closeness achieved by few, but sought after by all.  My Christmases at home with my family.  Our Annual Girls Shopping Day/Margarita Night.  Your friends kids’ birthday parties, christenings, first communions and weddings.  The travels to Mexico & Hawaii.  The Girls weekend in the Ozarks and Michigan.  Experiencing the thrill of showing The PC Sister and friends the city of Chicago for the first time.

But I also want to see the less than perfect side of my life.  The tremendous trials. The illness.  The loved ones lost.  For these events, though painful, shaped who I became.  Built a strength in me to allow me to survive the next struggle.  To see the impossible task before me, and then conquer it.  And most importantly, these moments allowed me to appreciate the wonders of life.  To grin at that moment in my nightly runs when I went passed those amazing lilac bushes whose scent was intoxicating.  They make me stand up for what I believe in, never say no to a friend in need and always express how much my loved ones mean to me.  My sister and I never say goodbye, we simply end all conversations with “I love you”.  For the darkest hours should inevitably make you cherish the light ones.

So when this moment arrives, You should ask only one question, “Was it worth it?”

And if you can’t gaze up and smile and answer this question positively, you still have some work to do. 

My answer will be a resounding Yes.

Then our parents evidently had a wild night of(I can’t say it…please just figure it out on your own).  And then….(if you’re not the brightest crayon in the box, I’ll spell it out for you….BABY).  That’s right.  No sooner did my sister and my plan to inherit the world begin, did my parents decide to mix it up with another child(as if handling the two of us was not enough of a challenge for them).  Perhaps they were trying to ramp up some reinforcements on their side for fear we accomplished our goal.  Not sure of the motives, but a new sibling was on the way.  Now do not misunderstand me, I love my brother.  He is blessed with the same crazy sense of humor we all have which makes him a blast to have around.  But at six, the thought of another child entering our fortress and securing his own territory was less than appealing.

So the day of the blessed arrival of our new baby came.  And as we drove in the family truckster to the hospital, my parents decided to try and make small talk to get us excited about the event(something they never did again after this instance).  So as my sister and I sat in the back seat of the family car minding our own business, our father turned to us and decided to ask a question to this day I’m sure he will never forget.  In an upbeat tone he asked “so what do you girls want?”(obviously referring to the sex of the child about to enter our family).   However, despite our young ages, we saw an opportunity.  So we sat in the back seat for some time, whispering back and forth as if determining the outcome of the Nobel Peace Prize.  Then it came to us.  What do we want?

We leaned forward brandishing a devious grin and simply repiled…..”we want a monkey!”.  After this day, we were never addressed as a pair again.  Our parents came to the unique understanding in that car that with us, divide and attempt to conquer, was the only possible way to handle any situation involving us together.

So parents, be careful how you word the question.  Because children are far smarter than you think.

Ps….Luv you Techy Brother and PC Sister.  Life would not be the same w/out you!

As we exited the facility one day, we saw a cab parked near the front entry.  She stopped for a slight moment and turned to me to say “He’s here”.  The “he” she was referring to was Jeffrey(this is not really his name for the family’s sake his name has been changed).  Jeffrey is 3…soon to be 4.  He is a remarkable young man who’s life was changed forever in one tragic moment.  One day, Jeffrey was a vibrant, active little boy.  The next he clinging to the end of his life.  Because, in one instance, Jeffrey was outside playing and the next he was laying motionless at the bottom of the family pool.

And though he survived, Jeffrey, according to his doctors has permanent, irreversible brain damage.  He is unable to walk, eat or do any regular activity on his own.  He has a round the clock nurse that brings him to physical therapy multiple times a week to try and teach Jeffrey’s body to move freely again.   For this charming young boy was robbed of any semblance of a normal life in an instant.  Yet despite the specialists recommendations, the family fights to bring back any part of the little boy they cherish.  And on a good day they will get a smile or acknowledgement that he knows them.  But though those days are very few and far between.  Yet they never give up the fight.  They have resolved that someday, they will get their son back.

So I’d like to commend Jeffrey’s family for their strength and determination.  For reminding us that it doesn’t matter what job you have, how much money you make or how many tangible things you acquire.  Yet it is how much faith you have in the darkest hour that illustrates who you truly are.  For one moment is all it takes to change everything in life as you know it. 

I couldn’t help but think of what my Gram always told me when hearing of Jeffrey’s story…

There are no hopeless situations, only people who have grown hopeless about them

May we all never lose Hope…

You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die, or when.  You can only decide how you’re going to live now.

Joan Baez

A great friend took me out for dinner and drinks last night to work on my “focus”.  Remind me who I really am.  Convince me, once again, that I can be my own worst enemy.  Some of his insight got to me a little.  He’s pretty good at that.  And what he brought to the table was some harsh but necessary criticism of recent events that I handled in a “less than favorable” manner. 

I began to ponder his words and soon came to the realization he was right.  I was dwelling and torturing myself over a minuscule failure.  Because maybe sometimes it’s easier to look back and re-live events than it is to face the unknown trials ahead.  And one of his more poignant arguments is that no one can make you unhappy or miserable, unless you let them.  This is my life.  I determine where I go.  I dictate how I feel.  And though I may encounter situations that do not end the way I imagined, they are not life threatening.  Just a bruised ego that will eventually heal.  And if I am truly living, I will acquire the knowledge to make certain the same bruise with not be sustained twice.

And when those moments come when I feel unfortunate and a little run down over something here is what I need to remember(my “refresh” button on life):

• I am healthy–something that too many people can not say(I used to be one one them for I’ve cheated death and survived)
• I have an amazing support system of friends and family–so many others are all alone
• I am strong–after 40 tumultuous years, I have learned everything I need to overcome whatever obstacle arises
• I have faith that you “get out exactly what you put in” to everything–it’s never the prize that matters, but what you invested to attain it
• I am exactly where I choose to be–and should I wish to be elsewhere…I am the only one who can put the events in motion to get there
• I must embrace that everyday is an opportunity to make a difference–because an act of kindness may be small to commit yet overwhelming to receive

Life isn’t easy.  And though it may seem that way for some people, everyone has their trials to endure and mountains to climb.  You just may see what they let you.  For this opportunity called life that we are given is our chance to shine.  To achieve the unimaginable.  And the worst failure you can ever commit is never trying.  So don’t ever regret growing old or having your heart broken,  for far to many people out there, will never have a chance to experience either.

And in the end it’s not the years in your life that counts, but the life in your years.  Abe Lincoln

We’ve all been here.  That devastating moment when you are forced to come to terms with the realization it really is over.  The dream becomes  a mist fading into the woods.  And it leaves  behind a hole inside you that feels enormous….insatiable.  You believed in him.  You accepted his confessions of love and adoration.  And despite the pain, somehow still adore him.  You’re still checking the phone a million times expecting that call or text with an apology.

Well it’s not coming…ever.  Trust me on this.  He’s a man.  And if you haven’t heard yet…then he didn’t care about you.  He can live with out you.  But on the flip side of the coin so can you.  You underestimate your strength.  You can and will move on.  It will be a slow day by day process.  And though the obstacle of surviving this excruciating  pain seems insurmountable, you will overcome it.  And one day you will wake up without rolling over and wishing he was there.  You will be able to look in the mirror and see the strong woman you used to be reappear.  And you will laugh again when something is really funny. 

The friends will be there with a glass of wine, some tissues for the tears and heart-felt advice you probably won’t take.  But their intentions are good.  And the company will aid you.  Though the words may sting and not be what you want to hear, they know you better than you do right now.  Listen to them.

And though you may never truly fill the hole he left-for some scars never heal,  you will come terms with the fact that anyone who would leave an open wound like that, without an apology or second thought, never cared about you anyway.  For any man that is worth your tears, would never make you cry in the first place.

And you will again pick up the bricks and tools and begin the reconstruction process…..acknowledging it will be ages before anyone gets through the fortress again…..

Life is an error-making and error-correcting process,  and nature in marking man’s papers will grade him for wisdom as measured both by survival and the quality of life of those who survive–Jonas Salk

We’ve all seen the shows.  One man braves nature by being stranded in some obscure destination wielding only a pocket knife, some duct tape and 2 days worth of rations(ok, maybe a slight exaggeration…but you get where I’m going).  He’s there to prove he can defy the odds.  He’ll take his duct tape and three small twigs and construct an eight room, lavish mansion.  By adding a few berries and leaves to his two days rations, he’ll whip out a three course meal fit for a king.  And with his handy pocket knife, he will conquer the beasts of the wilderness single-handedly with ease.

Chances are we will never be in this insane of a situation.  We will however have our own personal challenges to face.  Each of which will require a unique tool to overcome.  As I go through this current stage of life, I realize the importance of the elements I need to keep me happy and sane.  I am blessed enough to have the following people around to ensure that no matter the challenge, I will survive regardless of how massive the obstacle may be:

1)  The Family:  They may not be perfect, but when you’re with them you realize who you really are.  They are there to be a constant reminder that you must win these battles of life, for without you,  life would not be the same for them.  You may not live close or see them as often as you like, but they will always be just a phone call away.  And though there are days when you just want to give up you will not, if for no other reason, for them.

2)  The True Friends (who know you better than you know yourself):  They are invaluable.  They’ve seen the good, the bad and the outright ugly moments.  They’ve experienced the tears, pain and insecurity.  But they always know when to step in and when to let you learn the lesson on your own(and show up with a fine bottle of wine later).  They will support your decision, no matter how crazy.  And will always be there to pick up the pieces if you fall.  And if they are truly great–they will document your disasters on film so you can have a Martini and laugh about it later.

3)  The Opposite Sex Friend:  He or she is strongly relevant.  They are your glimpse into the other side of any relationship you take on.  They should be brutally honest, but always have the ability to make you laugh when you feel your worst.   They can sit on the phone with you and talk about nothing when you need it.   This is the person who makes you leave the house, even at your worst, to try and convince you life will go on after your last nightmare of a relationship.

4) The Club:  That group of friends that are always around.  They are there for the Holiday parties, the kids birthdays, the first soccer games and the infamous annual Girls Shopping Spree and Marguerita Night.  Their kids are your surrogates.  They know to call you when your favorite movie is on tv.  And will schedule a movie night with them on a Tuesday night after you have worked straight for a month without a break, just to get you out.  They keep you grounded and remind you life is really about the simple things.  These memories with them will always bring a smile to your face.

5) The Significant Other:  That man or woman who makes your day better with just an email or text.  This person actually makes you want to believe in the fairy tales.  He or she is capable of giving you that feeling inside like your soaring down the highest hill of a rollercoaster.  You feel safe in their arms.   With one look in their eyes, you know its worth all the pain it took to get here.   And with them, everything seems possible.  For failure seems a faint memory of the past.  And if ever you should walk through the door in tears, the first words out of this person’s lips are “Whose ass am I kicking today, baby?”.

These are the people who help me survive anything.  They give me an amazing strength that’s infallible.  They share the tears and joy.  And inspire me to conquer it all.

For without this survival kit( #1–The PC Sister, Techy Brother and The Neighbors, #2–The BFF Cali and BFF Florida, #3–The Italian & #4–Gina, Lynn, Heather, Tiffany, Connie, Mary and Sue, #5–You know who you are) I am but an empty woman.

For I may not have it all together…..but with my survival kit, I so have it all….

We are different, in essence, from other men. If you want to win something, run 100 meters. If you want to experience something, run a marathon.–Emil Zatopek

 We are all born runners.  Some run for the sport. Some of us for the challenge.  Yet others run to be healthy. And then there are those of us that just run…away from or towards something.  It is a cycle all too often seen in this tumultuous life.  After the initial burn, we run.  We develop a sixth sense, an internal warning system, that steers us from the fire and down the secure path.  We run towards safety and eventually surmise that in our case, that safety is not in numbers as originally professed to us.  Yet it is the solitary confinement of our internal race down the secluded road.

There are side roads that arise to lure us off the course.  To catch us off guard and lead us down the path of vulnerability.  They are dark and sinister in appearance.  Like that fog laden, wooded road in the horror movies.  We are unable to see ahead and behind.  We know something is there…but what?  And why?  For a slight moment, we weigh our options.  Perhaps considering the dense fog will lift and reveal a field of peace and beauty beyond our dreams.  Then we remember the raging fire that ushered us to this moment.  We anguish by reliving the hole left inside us and the inner scars for which there are no cure.  And with that, we turn to our chosen path, and continue to run.

Some of these side roads disguise themselves differently.  They spring forward with a tranquility that is intoxicating.  They call to us to simply take one step down this avenue, promising this path less taken to be our salvation.  They offer the unimaginable…Serenity, Harmony and Inner Contentment.  A magic potion to cure the scars within and erase the visions of the torment that em-placed them in the first place.  The temptation is strong.  But our conscious rears up and reminds us….if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  So we again turn and stay the course.

Yet as we forge our way down the path, the thoughts of the unknown begin to consume us.  Perhaps veering to the left and experiencing the thrill of the unknown is part of the process.  Maybe its not about consistently winning the straight 100 meter dash, but about experiencing the fulfillment of the marathon and the trials endured during the race. For this safe and narrow run we have chosen, though predictable and secure, lacks the excitement of the winding side roads. 

And few who have completed the marathon ever looked back and expressed regret for stepping up to the challenges it had to offer.  Instead, they professed a sense of self-satisfaction for manuevering off the main stream, charging up hill and running across the finish line that only one tenth of one percent of the population have ever crossed.

So here we stand staring at this fork in the road and wondering….if our destination, though relevant, pales in comparison to the awe-inspiring journey of the path less taken to get there.

What this means to us as women is that the Fashion Industry does not think of us as a whole. They base their trite decisions on….well, nothing it appears. To bring back a trend that was horrid the first time around is ludicrous. That’s like saying “parachute pants” weren’t dreadful…let’s give it another “go” shall we? And while we’re at it, how about amping up those cheesy seasonal sweaters with Christmas themes on them. There’s another masterful idea for the record books. So since this delusional industry can’t seem domesticate this on their own, I’ve decided to be my usual giving self and equip them with a list of trends that should NEVER be resurrected. Here goes:

1) Parachute Pants(this needs no explaination–if you can’t figure this out, you are beyond any guidance I can offer you. Though there’s probably a 12 step program with your name on it)
2) Neon ANYTHING(yet another one that needs little expounding–if your outfit glows in the dark, please do the world a favor and burn it before it seres our eyes)
3) Shoulder Pads–I am still trying to wrap my head around the theory behind this one. Were they just lounging one day and suddenly realized the best way to distort the female body–add 10 pounds of padding to their shoulders! That’s hot!
4) The Flannel Shirt Trend–I never quite got how imitating a lumberjack was admissible. Next thing you know we will all be outfitted in the plastic gear they adorn themselves in on “The Deadliest Catch”. So many levels of wrong going on here.
5) Oversized Sweaters with Leggings–Another infamous one from the 90’s. Why exactly did we feel that looking like an Easter egg with legs was appropriate? Much less flattering? If you feel this is a “good look”, shop at the Maternity store–same results.
6) Ponchos–Where do I begin with this one? Let’s just cut straight through it–Unless you’re Clint Eastwood starring the “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” there will never be an occassion where this attire can be even slightly be construed as acceptable. You might as well cut a hole in a tent and strut out of your house–just please remove any hardware from the tent before attempting this.
7) Stirrup Pants(Sorry, BFF Cali, it had to be said)The BFF Cali and I were a frequent offenders of this one in the 90’s, though it pains me to admit. Hands down the single most unflattering pants ever! These bad boys would have made Megan Fox appear “pear-shaped”. Never again, for the sanctity of us all, please!
Leg Warmers–Speechless….just allow your mind to wander back and let this one marinate. It will come to you.
9) The Spandex Bodysuit–(Especially if it’s an animal print)I will live every day for the rest of my life grateful that I never jumped on this train. Unless you are being paid a six figure income to star in “Cats” on broadway, this is utterly unacceptable and grounds for immediate execution.

And finally, one of my all time favorites…..

10) The Mullet–(A big apology here to all the “Southerners” I’m offending by this one)No, it was never good. No it never will be, Jim Bob. Cut that s*** off…preferably NOW!

I will finish up by noting a memorable one that could have easily been implanted anywhere on the list: Themed Sweaters–if you feel the need to express your love for any given season by the clothing you wear please do it in the comfort of your own home out of courtesy to the rest of the world. You, your “light-up Christmas tree” sweater and your “Mom jeans” just have a wonderful time…amongst yourselves….PLEASE!!!!!

This concludes this segment of The Slurpee Queen “What Never to Wear” Blog. Please stay tuned for updates to this monstrosity of a list as I am confident our friends in Paris and Milan will f*** it up again…and again…and again….

One of the reasons I don’t date very often is the slow deconstruction of said routine. I will typically start to harbor resentment towards the other party for “breaking and entering”-as I haved named it. First they start by attempting to “break” my routine and then they try to “enter” into my life and impose a new method. Therefore, the average man never makes it past 6 months(and thats if he lives out of state–1 month if he’s here). Perhaps it’s a testing mechanism for me. I mean any man that can survive my neurotic tendencies for any entended duration has some serious staying power(or is thoroughly mental–tough call).

The problem I have is I have broken the daily grind on multiple occasions lately and, well, really enjoyed it with a man who is anything but average. I have officially arrived at an uncharted destination with no tour guide. Someone has encroached the boundaries–and I am relatively sure he is holding an pickaxe to start chipping away at the wall I meticulously erected for security. However, instead of summoning the troops for back-up, I am prone to sit back and see if he makes progress. Intriguingly, to say the least, I am somewhat calm. Maybe, just maybe, there is a part of me routing for him to win the internal war that has been raging for years. For when he’s at the wall striking away, I resemble a happy person. Someone who feels worthy of the effort he makes. But when he leaves the wall, there is an eerie silence. One that my prior “OC” self would have relished. Yet now it just seems like an eternity waiting for him return. For that contented side of me to be resurrected by his presence.

I find myself dreading the routine. For I do not remember smiling as much in the last 16 years as I have in the last month. And though it may require some serious “self-adjustment” on my end, I hope he hangs on long enough to see the fruits of his labors.

Who knows, if he is as extraordinary as he seems, I may pick up some tools and help him…..

My history on this subject is not a pretty one. I have been on the receiving end of a distressed relationship as a result of the other party cheating. It is a devastating sensation to come to the realization that the person you have trusted, has migrated in a different direction without you. More importantly, with another person. It’s at that moment you lose all hope and question your ability to ever give the sanctity of any relationship a chance. It’s a costly moral. And for any person who has been through this turmoil, you acquire a very valuable piece of information that will stay with you forever. How it feels to be cheated on.

And though the wisdom pierces you, most ethical people come away with the realization of what not to do. Knowing the pain the other entity will suffer prohibits them from crossing this fine line. That being said, I have no quandaries on whether or not to step over. My perplexity is trying to determine where exactly that pulverent line exists. Does it vary based on circumstances alone or are there other comparative elements to reckon? When is any union truly over?

As a society, we require a legal document to declare an end to a marriage. But in the majority of cases, the demise of the relationship has occurred ages before any official declaration. It is a standard we have established that confounds me. In a non-marital situation, when one party concludes to leave, we accept it as the end. However, in marriage, we enact the end via a court ordered annunciation. Do we consitute the conclusion solely on the division of assets? Is it unbiased to resolve any closure based on monetary aspects, regardless of the timeframe that may entail. At what point is that just to either party involved? As if the destruction of matrimony is not sufficient torture, we feel the need to chastise participants further and prolong their finality.

A month ago, I thought I shared society’s views. But I’ve since entered into the ring and taken a long, hard look at the process. And have serious reservations about where the line should be emplaced. For nothing in a relationship is black and white. Every aspect is interpreted differently based on who you pose the questions. And there will always be two views relative to the entities involved.

One final thought to mull over, when dealing with matters of the heart should we as a society be entrusted to create the boundaries? Or should we allow each situation to dictate it’s own end based on the mitigating circumstances?